I thought Joy was gone for good

I thought Joy was

gone for good!

For every mum who’s ever thought, “maybe this is just how life is now” this is my story of rediscovering hope when joy felt out of reach.

Mum holding baby while washing bottles at the sink

Woman standing in field under a rainbow in the Highlands

And in those moments, I realised maybe I wasn’t completely written off.

Maybe things didn’t have to stay this way.

It didn’t all change at once. It never does. But it was in those small moments being recognised, hearing a laugh, feeling one day slightly lighter than the last that I began to feel hopeful. That things could begin to get better.

Have you ever gone through the motions with a smile on your face, but inside felt nothing? I have.

I thought once I had my wellness plan and the medication, things would change. That’s what everyone told me: “you’ll start to feel better soon.”

But the truth was, I didn’t.

I still woke up every day feeling numb. I went through the motions, I smiled when I had to, but inside it felt like the colour had drained out of everything. I had become a master at faking it and the scariest part was I believed I might never feel joy again.

The hardest part was thinking this was just how motherhood was meant to be. Most of the mums around me said the same thing: “this is just life now, you’re tired, it’s hard, you just get on with it.” And for a while, I believed them. I believed I was stuck.

What started to shift wasn’t the medication or the self-help programs. It was something smaller and more human: being seen.

I had four little ones and spent hours in nursery classes, helping when I could. Slowly, the staff began to notice me. They told me I was good with the children. They said I made a difference. Their kind words reminded me of something I’d forgotten: I wasn’t just surviving. I still had value.

For me, it was the nursery staff noticing me, valuing me, reminding me I still mattered.

For you, it might be a friend who finally says out loud what you’ve been too scared to admit. Or another mum who drops the mask for a moment and tells you she cried in the shower that morning. Or someone who looks you in the eye and says, “you’re doing better than you think.”

That simple act of connection can light the first lantern.

💭 Maybe you’ve had moments like that too. They don’t fix everything, but they remind you that things don’t always stay the same. They remind you that you’re still here, and that’s enough to begin again.

That was the beginning of hope.

Why hope matters

Hope isn’t about plastering on positivity or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about believing even just a little that things can be different.

Psychologists describe hope as a mix of agency (believing you can influence your life) and pathways (being able to see ways forward). Research shows that hope strengthens resilience, improves mental health, and even helps us connect more deeply with our children.

Hope isn’t just “nice to have.” Research shows it directly affects:

Mental health – Higher levels of hope are linked with lower rates of anxiety and depression.
Resilience – Hopeful people cope better with stress and recover faster from setbacks.
Connection– Hope improves emotional availability, making it easier to bond with and attune to your child.
Physical health – Hope correlates with lower fatigue and stronger immune response.

And on a biological level, hope calms the nervous system. When you shift from hopelessness to even the smallest sense of possibility, stress hormones begin to settle. Your body has more room to breathe, your mind more space to connect.

So when I say the HARBOUR Method™ begins with hope, it’s not because it sounds nice. It’s because I’ve lived the difference between hopelessness and hope and I know that nothing changes until you believe that change is even possible.

"Hope doesn’t always come from inside us first. Sometimes it’s lent to us by others until we can carry it ourselves."

Hope and Peer Support

One of the most beautiful truths I’ve learned is that hope often shows up through other people.

Peer support is fundamental: the simple act of being alongside someone who gets it is often what lights that first lantern.

I’ve experienced that again and again. The moment another mum admitted her truth, I realised I wasn’t alone. The moments friends spoke honestly gave me courage to keep going.

Hope doesn’t always come from inside us first. Sometimes it’s lent to us by others until we can carry it ourselves. It’s something we share, pass on, and hold for each other when we can’t hold it ourselves.

Why hope comes first

Every stage of the HARBOUR Method™ builds on the one before it: Accepting, reframing, bonding, owning your choices, uplifting, and rising. None of that is possible if you don’t first believe that change is worth reaching for.

Hope gives you:

Permission to imagine a different story.
Courage to take the first small step.
Compassion for yourself in the messy middle.

It’s not about giant leaps; it’s about holding onto the possibility that you are not stuck forever.

A taster of the HARBOUR Method™

In the HARBOUR Method™, hope always comes first. But every lantern has its own power, and each one shines light on a different part of the journey.

That’s why I’m running this month’s live masterclass, to give you a taste of what it feels like to step inside this work. It’s a no-obligation, no-pressure space where you’ll leave with something tangible you can use straight away.

And this month’s focus is one of the most powerful: OWN.

Because if you’re in your second (or third, or fourth) pregnancy, the chances are you’re already juggling so much. And this is the exact session designed to help you release the mum guilt and finally prioritise yourself.

🌊 Pregnant Again? How to Prioritise Yourself in Your Second Pregnancy - Without the Mum Guilt
📅 Tuesday 30th September
🕢 7:30 PM (BST) on Zoom
⛔ Not recorded (this is a safe, live-only space)
👉 Register here

Yes, I’ll run more masterclasses in future but this topic is happening now!

Think of it as an entry point into my world: a taste of the HARBOUR Method™ in practice, a chance to see what shifts when you stop carrying it all alone, and a moment to build trust in what’s possible for you.